backwards
forwards
you spell
… warmth
love
no matter
what

second innings, bring no expectations
in their wake- one just goes with the
flow and does whatever it takes

… he did not promise a rose garden
I did not expect a single rose bud
yet one mother’s day, decade ago

he got me the most wonderful
gift of all time -he got planted
whole garden of fresh blooms

to express his feelings
I realized -for real -actions
do speak louder than words

thank you

Miscarriage
(of justice?)  

This mother’s day
I weep for my unborn
For the deep longing

Preceding
My giddy
In the face-
Joy

Preceding
Your miscarriage

Then

The razor
Sharp plunge
Into an abyss
Of deep depression

The Awful gaping
Wound
Still active
after you
Left

My Judas body’s
Rejection
Seemed like
Your rejection
My baby
and
loss
Incalculable

Then began

An endless string
Of sleepless
Nights
when I wept
Rivers

aching
To hold
you in
My bereft arms
To rock you
To sleep

Singing
Sweet
Lullabies
Prepared
By me
Early on

But you left

And
then

You came
My baby
Peopling
My dreams
Nightly
Calling me “ma”

and

when I opened
My arms wide
I found
You gone
punishing me
yet again

The pain of your loss
Left a gaping crater
In my heart
That will heal
Only when I am
Gone

You were the flesh
Of my flesh
and then
You became
ash
my dream
Sawdust

I still
grieve
for you
baby, my
son/daughter
unborn
~
*image is from google

Sacred Font (for mom)

Words elude as I try to pry them
Loose-from mind’s wall,  stream-
Lining them for a justifiable fit

Reverence mingles as tears well for a soul
That was so gentle and loving, a mighty
Heart that touched countless many

A mother of three yet unworldly, innocent
Gullible to a fault, often taken for a ride
By smooth talking strangers, friends

Nothing sullied her faith in human goodness
She believed in sharing whatever she had freely
With whosoever knocked on our door~ daily, nightly

Implicit faith made her tiny stature seem tall, she only
Wore immaculate starched white saris and unabashedly
Sang in gatherings-rather out of tune, her voice quivering

Folks smiled and let her be without saying a word
Making us feel as if she was their beloved child and
Not their friend or neighbor~ such was her sacred aura

Our rebellious ways she controlled with welling
Eyes making us feel like heels and quickly we caved
Behaving just as she expected without letting her down

Afflicted early in life, she managed herself with dignity
Never weeping or giving in, always carrying herself
With infinite grace and courage living life on own terms

Once due to cancelled trains I was helplessly caught in a human
Stampede, her non-stop prayers brought me home unharmed with not
A single hair out of place, nor any body part broken, miraculously

One day she decided to call it quits and gave up on life
The malady she had beaten returned after a score of years
Not prepared to suffer once again, she chose to live no more

Willing herself to die- she let go of her life surrounded by
All her friends, distant and close kin –after seeking forgiveness
From each and everyone thus reconciling her ledger of life

The night vigil is one I will remember to my dying day, as we bid
Godspeed to her departing soul –the image of her deity became her face
As wonderstruck we beheld this sight, happy she was finally home

Tongue tied
stuck
in its bed
out of surfeit
of emotion
Fast dehydrating,
knotting belly
acute keening
running
Out of proper
adequate
Empathetic
expression
Of grief
of body blow
a loss so
Unbearable
in deliverance
That is
not
~

Special Love

Out of the blue
Yesterday my
Ancient past stretched
Its Arms and hugged
Me close

My three year old self
Was again
Swung on manly
Shoulders, cradled
Playfully in crook
Of youthful elbow,

And
then
fear
Struck

I was
unceremoniously
let go
on ebony
spiral
Balustrade
sent
Zipping down
Screaming in fear
And excitement

All along held firmly
By the
Seldom
clownish
Often
stodgy
uncle

Today
impatiently
Waiting to join
His departed love
who crossed
Over last year
Hovering at the edge
Between life and finale
he remembered
Me
with love
quite fondly

I dialed my past
And spoke to it

Love
Never dies
Blood ties
Often ripple
In final throes

- old age renders
Loneliness
and impatience
from progeny-

I was his first
baby before he begot
own
today he remembered
me to express his
love that was
understood
never vocalized

some folks
just don’t know
how to say
“I love you child”

**

Fusion

delicate stems
flowing freely
… defined gently
becoming one
with the vase
contained such
as if they were
an extension
not a separate
entity~ such is
soul’s perception
of inner beauty~

~~

Lady Luck

Gingerly
Trepidation fraught
Stepped into life boat
For two~

Lady luck oared
Life’s boat
Rocking it constantly
To and fro

Then overturned

Lady luck changed mind
Trepidation fraught
Stepped into life boat
For two ~

Have learnt
To take lady luck’s
Tantrums in stride
With ennui

~

Prepared for a shattering surrender

Of my sanity in her mesmerizing grip

Her elusiveness only made me trip

Scanning skies with torches of my eyes

All I got in hand from back and front-

Yards’ sky sweep, was a big fat zip

Having experienced its wondrous beauty

Shimmering on the exquisite opalescent

Taj Mahal scores of moons ago in abundance

Now I merely grumble and mumble

Trying to recall my past touch of wonder

Folded in love’s arms now asunder(ed)

Go your own merry way silvery moon

In my heart I hold no grudges or rancor

I am already tad touched by another thunder

~  picture is from internet- disclaimer

March
(post Imax Hungry Games Experience)

I veer neither to the right
Nor to the left- extremes bore
I tread unbeaten paths

Parting curtain of uncertainty
I dipped feet into mirror of reality
Free falling into parallel worlds

Armed with implicit convictions
I opened Pandora’s Box
Ready to battle evils released

Childhood’s bogey’s lolling
In closets, under beds, disintegrated
Vanquished by quizzical brows

Everything in life
is mind and matter
what mattered, shatter

Mind clean slated again, allowing novel
ideas to peak curiosity prior to discard and post
Worrying over their bones until sucked dry

Life’s wheel is a relentless tumbrel
every exit is an entrance and every
ending is a new beginning