Dear Neena ….

tis almost a year and am still reeling from your loss as so many little big things remind me of you …
upon waking up in the morning when I make myself a cup of tea I remember how I made you laugh and the tea would stream out of your nostrils and you’d beg me to shut up … and nowadays as I reach out for cardamom for my tea I remember how you’d so generously shared few small packets with me…
when I grab cloves for flavoring my tea ..I remember your quick tip on how to press the clove pod between thumb and index finger for instant seasoning … and all those quick-fix recipe suggestions for your domestically disabled little sister still make me smile….
songs from old Hindi movies remind me of you..especially the ones we sang together trying to drown out each other …in one-upmanship…..
last week of October brings me close to you as we’d had so much fun on your birthday by ourselves …you’d say I am the step one as there’s no party for me on my birthday ..only on yours ..and I’d try to cheer you up by getting your favorite flavor in ice-cream bars and then we’d insert a lit sparkler in a cup cake and you’d sing “Happy birthday to me” amidst many giggles….as we foxtrotted and waltzed around the living room …
you were always the strong one in our growing years…how can I forget that you singlehandedly dismissed the whole opposition team while playing kabbaddi in our usual haunt …the five gardens in Wadala, Bombay of yesteryears ….that victory still tastes sweet upon recall…
I miss you so much that I often avert my eyes while combing my hair as I see you looking at me …
I don’t know when this gaping hole in my heart will be filled as it’s tough to carry on without your cheery encouraging voice…
I miss you so much that it hurts… …I hope you know …
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ~ Anne Lammott

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