Archive for July 2017:

Dear Neena ….

tis almost a year and am still reeling from your loss as so many little big things remind me of you …
upon waking up in the morning when I make myself a cup of tea I remember how I made you laugh and the tea would stream out of your nostrils and you’d beg me to shut up … and nowadays as I reach out for cardamom for my tea I remember how you’d so generously shared few small packets with me…
when I grab cloves for flavoring my tea ..I remember your quick tip on how to press the clove pod between thumb and index finger for instant seasoning … and all those quick-fix recipe suggestions for your domestically disabled little sister still make me smile….
songs from old Hindi movies remind me of you..especially the ones we sang together trying to drown out each other …in one-upmanship…..
last week of October brings me close to you as we’d had so much fun on your birthday by ourselves …you’d say I am the step one as there’s no party for me on my birthday ..only on yours ..and I’d try to cheer you up by getting your favorite flavor in ice-cream bars and then we’d insert a lit sparkler in a cup cake and you’d sing “Happy birthday to me” amidst many giggles….as we foxtrotted and waltzed around the living room …
you were always the strong one in our growing years…how can I forget that you singlehandedly dismissed the whole opposition team while playing kabbaddi in our usual haunt …the five gardens in Wadala, Bombay of yesteryears ….that victory still tastes sweet upon recall…
I miss you so much that I often avert my eyes while combing my hair as I see you looking at me …
I don’t know when this gaping hole in my heart will be filled as it’s tough to carry on without your cheery encouraging voice…
I miss you so much that it hurts… …I hope you know …
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ~ Anne Lammott

Restoration

Not a jigsaw ….merely
a cluster of frayed bits
aping autumn leaves weaning
Off me ..mild havoc wreaked
by life’s incessant pushing

My white gloves
tint rosily as I gently lift
these bloody bits broken
off of me..gaping holes
Swiss cheese(ing) me

You say why bother
You are fine as is..doing
okay but my finicky Virgo-ness
will only be happy by whole
restoration


Healing
is an ongoing process
As I lick my wounds
sorely missing
dear departed

image : Freda Kahlo

Let me be..

 

let me be
THE confusion
in your life
..

let me be
your sole
joyful noise
..

let me be
that je ne sais quoi
annoyingly elusive
..

let me be that curling
steam rising out of your
morning Java cup
..

let me be
that last thought
knocking your head
..

Let me be
that hazy form
in your eyes
..

let me be
that smacking taste
on your lips
..

let me be
that tantalizing fragrance
wafting in your orbit
..

let me be
that velcro ditty
ringing in your ears
..

let me be
THE only confusion
in your life
..

Let me be
the love of your life
as you’re mine!
..
image: Pinterest

bruised

you silly one
you are simply an organ
crazily beating
often missing beats
going out of sync

go on head
laugh at me
yet love is
what keeps
me going
..
granted
you are overly
lathered by love
but tis both your saving
grace and downfall
..
I know ‘cos when I
love..I give it my all
taking a leap
of faith diving
headlong

see where it’s gotten
you ..sore of heart ..bruised?
concede ..consult me first
before you go into further forays
driven by foolish rushes
..
uh huh…not happening
so what if am tad hurt
licking bloody wounds..it’ll
heal …but this heart will
never ever come to heel !
..
Go on then..be hoist
on petard of your own making
henceforth never come crying to me
when bruised ..cold shouldered..know
world is not what your heart feels
..
fine… agreed
let me love, fail, love again
get mauled .. tis a reward in itself
my love rivers at will and fear
of hurts will never cause it’s still
..
let’s part in peace
residing as we do in same beat up
body..you worry over your own topper
I’ll nurse and console myself by myself
solely recalling exhilarating peaks
..

image: google

union

tightly hugging self with both arms
i invoke those moments of sheer
bliss of oneness

ingesting vibes from impeccably
enunciated mantras, devotional
songs I recapture buoyancy

gripping this manna with both hands
I anoint myself awash in dawn’s
light, lightened in spirit

inebriated joy is never far …tis simply
a concerted conjure ..loss of self in surrender
..an effulgent diminish..from separation to unity