Archive for the year 2016:

shank of night

suddenly
awakening
heartbeat
blubbering
realized it was
still shank of night
quizzed self
gnawing on bones
of whys wherefores
suddenly shivered goosed
flesh alerted as all over skin
continued crawling…
was something
lurking here…right now
had flapping black birds
ominous buzzing sounds
leached over from scary
movies of yesterday/night?
attempts
at sinking back
into sleep’s folds
became useless
finally giving up
gingerly embraced
today’s body…

is it a portend of closed envelope events….still wondering…

painting Crows In Van Gogh’s Bedroom is by Nancy Denommee

S O L I T U D E

“being alone never felt right. sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.” ~ Charles Bukowski, Women
~
allowing
anointment of spirit
I let canned soul
stirring mantra
chants enchant
~
solitude is all it’s cracked
up to be…an oasis of one
being at one with one
yet something is
still missing..
~
long airy floor-through
has seen me through
countless soul strolls
brisk walking…blank stares
into space in its’ space….
~
prized Venetian mask
adorning forward looking
wall, impassively glances
winking at me from sightless
sockets…. derisively?
~
smattering of bereft empty-headed
warm cool berets, beanies, hats
in varied shapes, weaves
shades vacantly stare
at ceiling nowadays…
~
murder of crows
harbingers of ill tidings
had visited marking passage
of each decade with family
herd’s thinning..
~
shoulder blades, painfully
blade marking abandonment
by two sole.. elder siblings
who’ve opted for pain-free
other-worldly shores
~
metaphorically
standing at milling life’s
forked road I come to terms
with “now” life, willing self
to make sanguine choices
~
“being alone never felt right. sometimes it felt good, but it never felt right.” ~ Charles Bukowski, Women
~
Photo by Georgian artist Tezi Gabunia’s interactive project “Falsification” ain’t Photoshopped.

irrational

irrational
acts still my digits
gently tappings
MacBook keys
I
chide myself
shaking head
when did
duplicating
images
of loved ones
bring them back
from dead?
wistfully hugging
self I feel moistened
by reminisced love
she’d so generously
showered and
my eyes
mist over again
and again
never quite
drying
and I suddenly
feel warmed
inside out
on this very
chilly December
morning
~
with my beloved late aunt (chaachi) who showered much love on us after we’d lost our mom

happy birthday son

 

you

are
indeed
my blessing
bestowed
post
non-stop
prayers
and agonies’
sum total
of 1800+
teary pleas
sent forth
~
implicit faith
had propelled
this relentless
pursuit
to be
heard…
my turn
finally came
with your
gurgling arrival
filling my world
with unabated
joy
~
now
my heart
ceaselessly
blesses you
and yours for son
one can miss
a step or two
as sister, wife
friend, partner
but never
as
a loving
mom
~
Happy Birthday with tons of blessings
today, always …till eternity and beyond

thinking out loud…

truth is usually a woman no one acknowledges…..
when you truly love someone, you want more for them…above and beyond yourself……..
and if they are ill, you realize your want is actually selfish….
you pray for buying more time standing at the edge of heartbreak
and in next breath out of your pure love
you find yourself incoherently praying for a quick release
for loved one who is diminishing right before your eyes from debilitating pain…..
such is pure love….a mix of quiet happiness mingled with grief of loss.
you mourn for both …….. I did that when mom passed away…pleaded for time and in next breath prayed for quick release from pain…
2016 has left me bereft and all alone
as I deal with another sibling’s loss…
I just heard my sis Neena’s voice on many phone calls she’d made on whataspp.. which I’d inexplicably missed ….I hug her voice close to me with hurt somewhat assuaged…….will hang on to her calls full of love and concern for my knee surgery et al…. c’est vie……..
I remember you when old Hindi songs we sang together play on TV
I remember you with every cup of tea as I always made you laugh at that time and you’d splutter and beg me to shut up
I remember you on your birthday when we danced together and you wished yourself happy birthday
I remember you almost every day when I see my face
and you smile back at me ….

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