Archive for July 2015:

Rating Pain

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They ask me to rate my pain
Day and night, lost in a fog of narcotic pills i mumble a number at them. Lost in the valley of dolls these past two plus weeks, i’d weakened my will.
Then, tired of being bored and out of mind, I reclaimed my will and zest for life. Thrown back covers of maudlin lethargy and now I need to roar back.
Management of pain will be with zero oxy. Just regular pain killers and other palliatives. Rome was not built in a day and I am going back to being normal with a brand new knee, pain free. So, help me god.

Thursday June 30, 2015
Day 1 minus narcotics
So far so good – nausea has almost beat a hasty retreat and am slowly smiting the foggy gargoyles in my head.
Weather has been gross at best and whiny at least. We even had hailstones, briefly. With new A/c in my room and my first win at a game of bingo, I feel pretty good of myself.
Its mind over matter – one mantra I continue to chant in my head
Adios

 

Splinter

Knee pain
Feels as if thousands
Of piercing splinters
Are exploring my joint
Without so much
As a by your leave
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Setting sun has begun
Splintering light tad
More benignly
unlike its early
morning’s raucous
Splintering
~
A must do item eludes
memory’s fist as I blunder
about in a wondering mind
Blunted by medley of pills
Annoying no end as a splinter
Piercing an unreasonable spot
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Cupping my pain
I try to sit up cradling
Both knees rocking
To and fro to an airy
new place, not splintered
But wholesome, free of pain
~

Post Knee Surgery -in Rehab

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Post Knee Replacement surgery – July 23, 2015
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View from my room at the cobble hill medical Rehab center – the thin iron mesh covering window doesn’t allow true capture of various moods of the broody sky.
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Last evening as the sun curtsied out of sight, the soft mauve suffused pink shades admixed with purples was like a bruised cheek sported by an unhappy sky.
I did wonder if I was projecting what I really felt like these days, cooped up in my private room, licking my wounds best way possible to finally come up on top.
The best part of this self brought on incarceration is my full fledged dive into this my topmost flaming passion which is reading. I am so enjoying thirstily sipping, sniffing, flipping, dog-earing, lovingly straightening pages, myself, my posture, my pillows, my painful knees, crick in the neck and then grudgingly, mournfully finishing the book with mixed feelings. Utter enjoyment tinged with sadness of ‘what now’. Luckily i still have book 3 and 4 to read and then plan to download book 5 when good and ready.
Reading is such a fun way of sipping time like my favorite masala chai and I’ve honed this pleasure well.
I have two months to get back in top form before we travel again after which sky is the limit zest wise! Au revoir
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July 24, 2015

Last night i was stupid and declined my pain med. woke up early morning with acute pain in the knee. There is always a larger price to pay for stupidity. Not to condone, but the pain pills simply put a halt on your normal morning bodily functions and those of my Indian friends who’ve seen recent movie of the big AB and his wise bon mots in PIKU “motion se hi emotion” (on emotions being connected to daily motion (bm) do have merit!
Have never been stuck up this way. Everything has a catch I guess. Lol ..so much for that, merde!
These days what truly scares and depresses me is the daily news. After a brutal interminable winter, sprung spring and summer with warm basking fun in the sun is so looked forward to but it seems both man and beast are on a rampage – a sort of Hunter Games of these scary modern times!
Trigger crazies go around shooting people indiscriminatingly, color conscious bigots are wreaking constant damage and bigger beasts like sharks and bears and bison and big cats are
On the prowl in man’s territory. A lot of face-offs happening. People who are hurting, mad. Going berserk – why can’t they seek professional help or from own family, friends and if that is not an option, suffer, work it out in solitude – why take along innocent bystanders to your perdition?
Food here has not been great, which is great? You ask why. This way I eat less and hopefully will get a head start towards shedding not needed pounds and rolls of fat that I’ve been traveling with ! Today for lunch I’ll finally have a methi roti with artichoke veggie made with Indian spices by Ganesh and my mouth is already watering.
Will add more later as the therapy guy is here to wheel me downstairs ..Caio and hasta la vista babies..

July 22, 2015 – on pain contd..

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Faced with unbearable pain
I pinch myself

to ensure am awake
Flipping through images

my beloved fills                                                                                                                                                                       every single eye frame

Spirit gets assuaged
mind gets salved

How to gain upper hand
On this pesky pain?

this and that – why not?

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image is from internet

Image is via email
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This and that, why not..
Confined in a pleasant longish room i’ve been provided with the following mobility tools: wheel chair, walker, gopher to reach fallen or out of reach stuff and a leg lift tool which is quite handy. Leveraging my right knee on the bed has been a horror ridden near sobbing experience and in the process I’ve developed skinned elbows and overstretched muscles that are so taut that it hurts to giggle. Hence this leg lifter has proved a blessing.
After knowing an office colleague for over a decade one’d guess i’ve a finger on her pulse or what. I received a solicitous email displaying concern and love and soon on its heels, a work related email followed.. Luckily she did not botch it up by putting cart before the horse. Such predictable behavior kind of amuses my virgo persona.
The idiot box provided with the room comes with a dozen preset channels and its take it or leave it kind of deal. I take it in sips only.
The in-charge director of this facility sort of indicated that I could be here for rehab for a month at least.. I immediately countered by saying as long as its medically covered, am okay with that.
This confinement provides a whiff of what great thinkers of their time had to undergo in order to speak the truth sans fear. Its a kind of house arrest even though am here by choice. My right knee sports twenty odd stitches appearing as a garish mouth of an ogre that has been stapled shut . These staples will be removed when knee has more or less fully healed.
My gypsy vagabond spirit feels helplessly tied down but never KO’ed – mind continues to roam at will creating, recreating various scenarios and its permutations laconically.
To be contd.. If I feel like it…

 

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