Short Story Archive for Stories:

journaling…mainly about my first love…

…mind has finally quietened …
no longer hankering for what cannot be had… departed can no longer return…. am now into celebrating with whatever’s in hand …
my love of books hasn’t waned even though I am not reading much these days… however, I do sleep with books around me… they provide come home feel and a comfort level for me…
books carry worlds between their covers and will never kick the bucket on me as I can reread them if I want to…no one can stop me from doing that … not even time unless I deplete my life’s hourglass in a final run through…
only hindrance ..perhaps are my tired eyes …
…I do adore books though and
maybe am being fanciful but sometimes I hear querulous voices escaping my loved ones from their dogeared corners chiding me about my callous abandonments …
I do have good intentions and mean to read even turning into that voracious bookworm of younger days all over again but this perfidious arthritic body and a quicksilver mind have such a hold over me…
I wish for one thing and end up doing something else … and those wheels under my feet and my gypsy soul won’t let me rest either…last month we were in England …next month we go to New Orleans and the south…but my feet are already afflicted with that restlessness syndrome and are raring to up and take off….but Ganesh is inclined to stay close to home and do mini day trips… que sera sera …
I’ll keep you updated when I finish one of my new books lying next to me with my favorite mug of steaming chai…

Teomancy? no …

processing

always endeavoring to get to that ultimate point where everything has been squared away… all tears, heartbreaks : wreaked and suffered finally addressed washing my shroud for delivery as pristine as day one’s delivery … I continue self purifying as an ongoing exercise bathing in fire of recriminations …burning in salt waters for my final deconstruction……

why does this silly heart wish for returns from “points of no returns” why can’t life like movies have reruns?
my lament has no boundary… it is like a miasma engulfing my sunshines…if not in flesh..come visit me in dreams … let’s relive those carefree times that filled our days with joyous screams

..

come
annoy me
I won’t get angry
irritate me
I won’t get short
remonstrate
I won’t harrumph
just call me
‘cos I so long
to hear your
dear voices
do know
am now
fully
awake!

..
just come

as the teabag bleeds color into my favorite cup swirling dark clouds… I wonder about dregs and gently break open it’s belly with a knife tip… ..

and then come to a standstill ….telling myself

“wait a minute .. You’re no longer into divinations and readings of tea leaves …then why did you do what you did’?

…guess old habits die hard …

nowadays with mind fully harnessed and at peace with life ‘as is” in acceptance of whatever is to be will be… am fully prepped for onward journey …

born with a Romano gypsy soul I am however always raring to go especially to slake my parched being with nature’s exquisite beauty that fills me with ecstasy ..

having daintily sipped my tea to the last drop …I stare at the dregs … wondering about its inky kaleidoscopic pattern and then deliberately wash away the leaves without any qualms

..

image: google

Dear Neena ….

tis almost a year and am still reeling from your loss as so many little big things remind me of you …
upon waking up in the morning when I make myself a cup of tea I remember how I made you laugh and the tea would stream out of your nostrils and you’d beg me to shut up … and nowadays as I reach out for cardamom for my tea I remember how you’d so generously shared few small packets with me…
when I grab cloves for flavoring my tea ..I remember your quick tip on how to press the clove pod between thumb and index finger for instant seasoning … and all those quick-fix recipe suggestions for your domestically disabled little sister still make me smile….
songs from old Hindi movies remind me of you..especially the ones we sang together trying to drown out each other …in one-upmanship…..
last week of October brings me close to you as we’d had so much fun on your birthday by ourselves …you’d say I am the step one as there’s no party for me on my birthday ..only on yours ..and I’d try to cheer you up by getting your favorite flavor in ice-cream bars and then we’d insert a lit sparkler in a cup cake and you’d sing “Happy birthday to me” amidst many giggles….as we foxtrotted and waltzed around the living room …
you were always the strong one in our growing years…how can I forget that you singlehandedly dismissed the whole opposition team while playing kabbaddi in our usual haunt …the five gardens in Wadala, Bombay of yesteryears ….that victory still tastes sweet upon recall…
I miss you so much that I often avert my eyes while combing my hair as I see you looking at me …
I don’t know when this gaping hole in my heart will be filled as it’s tough to carry on without your cheery encouraging voice…
I miss you so much that it hurts… …I hope you know …
“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ~ Anne Lammott

Journaling…mind drips

mind is such a trickster … is into playing games big time…on daily basis:
Keying into day’s ignition slot …I begin with genuine enthusiasm…And then slowly it whittles away….Chipped by a body frayed at extremities, fickle mind constantly dealing with changeling moods …..whattodo…….
…..what the mirror shows and tells and what I choose to perceive depends upon my degree of “self delusion” in acceptances that can change day to day … depending on how much of real is okay for day to day consumption..
..grip
opening palms and staring at an alarmingly lengthy life line I will it to shorten itself with alacrity… ringing words rain on mind’s cobblestones as predicted by an old monk six plus decades ago during gentler times in Bombay of yore … that I shall live up to a ripe old age of 96 that fills me with such horror! I continue pleading to my beloved to take me away NOW..
…..my niece “Whatsapped” me old family photos of my loved ones ..thus hurling me down memory lanes once again..spent a pleasant couple of hours reliving those “shiny” times ..some faces invoked sweet-sour-tart feelings due to their behavior when alive and children can be unforgiving …
…Dream from last night
I won a grand prize of twenty thousand dollars in spelling bee as a grand prize… when I received the check in my hot little palm I actually felt nothing… the feeling (as in non-feeling) was actually quite liberating…this late in the game … my serenity stays intact no matter what .. hence I still feel like a winner upon waking up ..palms empty yet full to brim cupping my soul as water in them always mindful not to drip or trip… still have along way to go in mending and amending …

Journaling..

10.52p.m. London, England June 14, 2017
..
One hour of deep sleep was enough for my tired beat up body and tad worried ..tinted topper it seems…. we’d hastily spruced up for group meeting followed by dinner at our hotel and I came away with lots of mind fodder..

Firstly re: our commute from Heathrow to High Street Kensington station via the famous London Tube ..that was quite an adventure in itself… beginning at airport with a helpful overseas customer support guy hailing from Goa, India and next upon our queries from a ‘dot on forehead’ Tamil gentleman whom Ganesh had quickly engaged for directions in Tamil his mother tongue, to an African gentleman from Sierra Leone who guided us most accurately in the Tube to an Australian couple who went out of the way to carry Ganesh’s heavy checked suitcase ensuring we caught the correct connecting Green Line train and once that was boarded another Good Samaritan in form of a lovely Brit lady rendered a final leg up two flights of steps with Ganesh suitcase with lots of smiles and good wishes…the annoyance at my misplaced luggage had simply vanished thereafter
..
We had enjoyed delicious piping hot coffee with a sweet chocolate roll at Cafe Negro inside the train station run by two Italian brothers who were from the beautiful picturesque village of Positano which we’d just visited during Rome, Sorrento and Sicily trip …they were delighted to learn of it and even joked if we’d met the Corleone Godfather family while in Taormina Sicily
..
Now on to our dinner conversation: being a chatterbox I engaged all at our table which included our Scottish bus driver named Gareth and Sue our tour director. At Heathrow we’d learnt about building fire in London this morning etc. and had been quite saddened by the news..apparently Gareth had met a couple of devastated ladies who’d lost everything in this fire in the hotel lobby weeping profusely as city of London had provided room and board to them and our hotel was one of many selected by the city…Gareth had then said “so much can happen in the blink of an eye” and we’d all agreed ..then he said he’d quickly called home and asked that his little boy be given lots of extra hugs as due to the nature of his job he doesn’t get to see his kid as often as he’d like to…that is why it is very important to share our true feelings with loved ones and not shy away …also I realized I was really feigning more irritation than what I was actually feeling…detachment of sorts can be quite liberating..

We’d joked a lot as well with everyone sharing their funny tales which included a lady who calls herself Betty Boop ..she too has lost her luggage like me…Sue the tour director was talking about Liverpool and I asked her why doesn’t England have a Kidneypool ? She and Gareth were taken aback and had said they’ll get an answer for me soon…meanwhile one of the ladies at our table had chimed in “probably because we have two kidneys but only one liver..I’d responded ..we can donate one kidney, save a life and still lead a normal life…that finally silenced all….

..
More later…
..

June 12, 2017

..

Late last evening our beloved Chitra came by to bid us goodbye in person …walking from her home which is at quite an exhausting distance to ours… fueled by love no doubt …it was “concerning” admixed with endearing for me…she is such a trooper and Oh so loving ! … I continuously thank god for her entry into my “second” life..
meanwhile Ganesh continues losing weight and looking very trim as Fat rolls off his body..I watch this happen in awe as I bite into another delicious morsel of food… the more he loses the more I feed my face out of sheer contrariness !
I cannot figure why am built this way..defying my own good senses ! yikes!
..
this morning as is my won’t I began hearing recorded soulful chants and “shabd kirtan” **on our TV DVR and as I watched between sips of cardamom tea.. I noticed the audience for the first time ….
… as I curiously watched I saw one devotee silently weeping profusely ..wiping falling tears continuously .. it was such a private moment of grief and I felt as if I was encroaching….
… behind her was another devotee with eyes closed lost in the otherworldly joy of it all..
..next to her was a lady mumbling fervent pleas that could be clearly seen ..
and another was simply singing along knowing the song (shabd)
..quite a few of the congregation had lost themselves getting fully immersed
in a one to one with the Maker..
..I realized I could identify with all of them as I too have traversed this journey from tears to serenity
..it was quite sobering and calmed my tea perked mind
..
suddenly I was awash in serenity
a tweaked mind can do wonders ..…
peace and out
..
*** Gurbani ( essence of Guru Granth Saheb – holy book of the Sikh religion) is explained in form of Shabad Kirtan, which is sung by Kirtani or Raagees.
June 10, 2017

Lost Tip
..
tip
..
I look at my kitchen knife and wonder when, how it lost it’s tip ..horror of horrors ..did it enter our bellies via some succulent dish? To date as all is well in our little world and time has stayed mum, I too will stop worrying about it…
..
Tipping point came in mind and how little things make all the difference… many people over the years have approached me on Facebook erroneously believing me to be a “connector” who could tip (trick) people into buying whatever they are peddling ..I shy away from such people as am no meddler ..merely a peddler of giggles and cheeriness depending upon my mood which is usually up beat …happened to me yesterday too! I unfriended this person within the hour of friending !


As far as tipping goes for food delivery or eating out and other services like massages, car service etc….I can safely say I am a generous tipper but by no means “a gone overboard kind of person”

..
as we are talking about tips: life reveals itself as a proverbial tip of an iceberg and when subsequent events unfold ..only then we realize true depth and extent of it’s rippling effect..

these days am trying to mend whatever was broken by me either with intent or unknowingly … it is never easy to forgive and forget
..

am merely trying to tip the scales in my favor for when I do make my exit !

Hot Lips

Thanks to Facebook every morning one revisits posts from “on this day” from previous years.

Upon reading my old post I fondly recalled my first acquaintance with HOT LIPS
which was synonymous with HOT LIPS HOULIHAN FROM MASH… we enjoyed that sitcom hugely along with others…

Second and 3rd encounters with Hot Lips happened as under:
..
“Then I met my room- mate in rehab and every time she rouged her lips I’d imagine her Hot Lips chasing my Ganesh all puckered up and I’d chuckle and feel sorry for her…
..
After rehab and recovery we’d gone for a wonderful trip to Croatia and Slovenia. One of our fellow travelers : a very kind lady …would constantly rouge her protruding lips and being slim built ..she was somehow all lips …during the whole trip I kept dreaming about her protruding hot lips seeking kisses from her companion…they were both very caring and friendly but those “hot lips” took some time before fading from my mind !
Lol

Last year at this time I was in rehab after left knee replacement …here are excerpts :

Rehab diaries …..

I’ve been wondering if I’ve landed from the fire ‘surgery’ into a pudding full of mixed nuts ‘rehab facility’ !
..

Those of staff who remembered me from last year gave me broad smiles and warm hugs and the unknown ones eyed me warily.. I was too far gone in pain to care one way or other.

The food quality for vegetarians has improved somewhat happily.. I believe there is a different dietician.

The room they gave is a share with A Hip Surgery. Boy! This one does like to vent and grumble when possible. I pretend to sleep most of the time. Her previous room- mate she had had bundled out as she’d watched TV whole night i was told.

Last night, i got the fright of my life. While knee deep in sleep I suddenly heard bloodcurdling screams …it was the Hip Surgery having nightmares! She scared me silly and I don’t scare easily…
..

So much for unplanned excitement…. Talk to you later. Have a great weekend, love, bina
….
Part 2:

Today has been a less chaotic day as things are falling in place and or missing their mark, just…

Meals are tedium personified and am truly elated with this factor as I diligently gulp down one to two mouthfuls keeping all the pills to be had subsequently….uppermost in mind..

Nevertheless my rather feisty ‘hip surgery’ was able to get a couple of vanilla ice- creams to end today and this I gladly ingested with alacrity.

Ms. Cane aka hip surgery is shy of eighty by two years, extremely garrulous and quite resourceful. By all means, cajoling, praising, smiling, snarling or being sarcastic..whichever works, she gets her stuff done. After contriving to lose two room- mates, she has decided to keep me after duly approving me with her eagle eyes….my shy pleasing demeanor no doubt coupled with my 100 watt smile won her over I guess. Problem is, am not sure I want to be there… She has guessed as much and keeps on offering choice pieces of edibles as olive branches… Even though this allegory is a misfit.

Today Ganesh came by with my already prepared stuff. We chatted for a while and then he met Ms. C. Outside our room, in the hallway. Quickly ice was broken and they were on to great back and forth repartees….

Meanwhile Ganesh excused himself in Hindi he as wanted to get home early.

Ms.C hastily entered our room, went to her bed and quickly applied rouge and lip color combing her hair etc…kind of freshened up. Then she asked where was Ganesh? I said ‘he had to leave early hence was gone.’ She was quite disappointed. In any case much later her son came over with his wife …hence the makeup did not go for waste.

After they departed…She told me ‘my son approves of you’. I nearly fell off the bed…. ”


Hahaha

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