backwards
forwards
you spell
… warmth
love
no matter
what

Sacred Font (for mom)

Words elude as I try to pry them
Loose-from mind’s wall,  stream-
Lining them for a justifiable fit

Reverence mingles as tears well for a soul
That was so gentle and loving, a mighty
Heart that touched countless many

A mother of three yet unworldly, innocent
Gullible to a fault, often taken for a ride
By smooth talking strangers, friends

Nothing sullied her faith in human goodness
She believed in sharing whatever she had freely
With whosoever knocked on our door~ daily, nightly

Implicit faith made her tiny stature seem tall, she only
Wore immaculate starched white saris and unabashedly
Sang in gatherings-rather out of tune, her voice quivering

Folks smiled and let her be without saying a word
Making us feel as if she was their beloved child and
Not their friend or neighbor~ such was her sacred aura

Our rebellious ways she controlled with welling
Eyes making us feel like heels and quickly we caved
Behaving just as she expected without letting her down

Afflicted early in life, she managed herself with dignity
Never weeping or giving in, always carrying herself
With infinite grace and courage living life on own terms

Once due to cancelled trains I was helplessly caught in a human
Stampede, her non-stop prayers brought me home unharmed with not
A single hair out of place, nor any body part broken, miraculously

One day she decided to call it quits and gave up on life
The malady she had beaten returned after a score of years
Not prepared to suffer once again, she chose to live no more

Willing herself to die- she let go of her life surrounded by
All her friends, distant and close kin –after seeking forgiveness
From each and everyone thus reconciling her ledger of life

The night vigil is one I will remember to my dying day, as we bid
Godspeed to her departing soul –the image of her deity became her face
As wonderstruck we beheld this sight, happy she was finally home

Special Love

Out of the blue
Yesterday my
Ancient past stretched
Its Arms and hugged
Me close

My three year old self
Was again
Swung on manly
Shoulders, cradled
Playfully in crook
Of youthful elbow,

And
then
fear
Struck

I was
unceremoniously
let go
on ebony
spiral
Balustrade
sent
Zipping down
Screaming in fear
And excitement

All along held firmly
By the
Seldom
clownish
Often
stodgy
uncle

Today
impatiently
Waiting to join
His departed love
who crossed
Over last year
Hovering at the edge
Between life and finale
he remembered
Me
with love
quite fondly

I dialed my past
And spoke to it

Love
Never dies
Blood ties
Often ripple
In final throes

- old age renders
Loneliness
and impatience
from progeny-

I was his first
baby before he begot
own
today he remembered
me to express his
love that was
understood
never vocalized

some folks
just don’t know
how to say
“I love you child”

**

Gnawing fears
Have peaked
Ears

Creeping inexorably
Limb up limb
Smothering alive

A bit of tilt
Awry surreal real
Grip slip sliding

a bungle-tumble
Disheveled house
of life’s cards

Mummified alive
Survival unwraps dark
Spirals wrapping light

Gripping mind in fist
Spirit hastily slithers
Out of conch of fright

Cataract cognizance
Spanner in life’s sunset
Love’s consternation

**

“Her purse was a weight, ballast; it tethered her to the earth
as her mind floated away.”?Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
~
People think it’s a terrible tragedy when somebody has Alzheimer’s.
But in my mother’s case, it’s different. My mother has been unhappy
all her life. For the first time in her life, she’s happy ~ Amy Tan

**painting is by Picasso called Two Sisters during his blue period

walked miles
journeyed continents
paths leading home are best !

the Boy

The Doctors’ son sat

Smiling, captivated

In own world

Face glowing

Source unknown

His  parents tended

To stare longingly

At our son, rendering

Unto us a squirmy

Sort of discomfort

Twinges of guilt

Always trickled

In as we hugged

Our much prayed

Pleaded for, only child

Our son grew steadily

In mind and body

Being of friendly

disposition, shared toys

With the boy readily

The boy had a beautiful

Smile and was sufficient

Unto him self and I often

Sensed in him an ethereal

Other worldliness

The glow in his eyes appeared

Heaven sent –his mind n body

Though progressed at a snail’s

Pace as this painful “reality”

His medico parents embraced

Then one day they visited

Bearing smiles, box of sweets

In Boy’s neck a gifted gold chain

Declaring the boy proved to be

A blessing to jeweler neighbor n them

Right after his fifth birthday

The kid brought tons of luck

The doctor parents landed

Plum jobs n babysitter jeweler

Got in his store a serious crowd

Now jeweler came over daily

To invite the boy to his store

The parents approved knowing

He couldn’t be in better hands

That fate could ever them bring

Love and care showered by Jewish

Jewler and his brood of all ages

Wrought wondrous change in the boy

Who progressed rapidly making grieving

Parents at last in quiet happiness, sigh

~

(* was reminiscing about my only son and remembered this “boy” esp. cos. after my son was born, he -my son was literally snatched from my arms a couple of times, our plane’s window cracked, he jumped into a deep pool as toddler and got into all kinds of “heart in my mouth” kind of  trouble )

My life

You marked me

For life

You left

You remain

Often appearing

Reflected in mirrors

Déjà vu

Moments abound

Your spirits linger

In myriad ways confound

Alone, sick in bed

I sense your gentle treads

Soft breath on fevered brow

Sheer curtain’s sudden billow

I plump pillows, turn on side

My feverish palms find

Your sacred chanting beads

My divvied treasure, entrusted

Seated on stoop steps outside

I see you twinkling in the night skies

In shapely white clouds during daytime

You affirm your presence time after time

I see you in leaves of dusty books

A turn of phrase, in stranger’s looks

In gentle chides, in crooning lullabies

In firm tones, in disappointed moans

I’ve tried to live up to your expectations

Life is after all a slippery slope, you know

When you left, my horizon had darkened

Now I light my world’s wick with hope

Tides bore away your ashes

Waves obliterated your footprints

Your markings on my soul still remain

Pulsating in the blood’s flow in my veins

(**my homage to all my beloved departed kith, kin, friends)

a go to place
when life’s heat
crisps a slow burn

healing self in its
dappled shade, mentally
I hug selective boughs

Physical asunder and
Time have been my
Two main adversaries

In emotional upheavals
I give the tree an angry shake
Only sappy flakes disengage

solid stolid boughs
Hang firm – strong shoulders
My havens, a phone call away

things atrophy

comfortable ties

choke or amputate selves

DNA dilutes

Redundancy rules

often wonder at own emotions

and/or lack thereof

why feelings run lackluster

my need to emote, warmth muster

do feelings too have a shelf life

with longevity chalked out

absence no longer endears

fallacy, same old antics do pall

is it detachment or emotional turnoff

at life’s fag end, I cogitate, question

do relationships have a shelf life

with an inherent expiry date?

**

Old poem – same subject

Have been wondering about it of late

Do relationships have an expiry date?

Sight of some who gave a rush of joy

Same face same antics now do annoy

Some pandered to and cultivated contacts

Outlive their usefulness and only distract

Few relations that by loved ones are foisted

Over time do pall to be severed and discarded

Fake relationships make strange bedfellows

Quickly dissolving ignominiously as dodoes

Childhood crushes and some love bitten brushes

Over time reside in mind merely as fond memories

Neighborly relationships are formed dictated by need

Tested yet short lived with inbuilt chips to timely recede

Handful of friends and few resilient blood ties

Stay the course of bonds and persist over time

Thus I do maintain in life everything is rated

Comes with short span, stamped, expiry dated

***   ***   ***

Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusion.- Kim Cattrall

Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational. – Hugh Mackay  Author , Athlete

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies  -    woody Allen