My life

You marked me

For life

You left

You remain

Often appearing

Reflected in mirrors

Déjà vu

Moments abound

Your spirits linger

In myriad ways confound

Alone, sick in bed

I sense your gentle treads

Soft breath on fevered brow

Sheer curtain’s sudden billow

I plump pillows, turn on side

My feverish palms find

Your sacred chanting beads

My divvied treasure, entrusted

Seated on stoop steps outside

I see you twinkling in the night skies

In shapely white clouds during daytime

You affirm your presence time after time

I see you in leaves of dusty books

A turn of phrase, in stranger’s looks

In gentle chides, in crooning lullabies

In firm tones, in disappointed moans

I’ve tried to live up to your expectations

Life is after all a slippery slope, you know

When you left, my horizon had darkened

Now I light my world’s wick with hope

Tides bore away your ashes

Waves obliterated your footprints

Your markings on my soul still remain

Pulsating in the blood’s flow in my veins

(**my homage to all my beloved departed kith, kin, friends)

a go to place
when life’s heat
crisps a slow burn

healing self in its
dappled shade, mentally
I hug selective boughs

Physical asunder and
Time have been my
Two main adversaries

In emotional upheavals
I give the tree an angry shake
Only sappy flakes disengage

solid stolid boughs
Hang firm – strong shoulders
My havens, a phone call away

things atrophy

comfortable ties

choke or amputate selves

DNA dilutes

Redundancy rules

often wonder at own emotions

and/or lack thereof

why feelings run lackluster

my need to emote, warmth muster

do feelings too have a shelf life

with longevity chalked out

absence no longer endears

fallacy, same old antics do pall

is it detachment or emotional turnoff

at life’s fag end, I cogitate, question

do relationships have a shelf life

with an inherent expiry date?

**

Old poem – same subject

Have been wondering about it of late

Do relationships have an expiry date?

Sight of some who gave a rush of joy

Same face same antics now do annoy

Some pandered to and cultivated contacts

Outlive their usefulness and only distract

Few relations that by loved ones are foisted

Over time do pall to be severed and discarded

Fake relationships make strange bedfellows

Quickly dissolving ignominiously as dodoes

Childhood crushes and some love bitten brushes

Over time reside in mind merely as fond memories

Neighborly relationships are formed dictated by need

Tested yet short lived with inbuilt chips to timely recede

Handful of friends and few resilient blood ties

Stay the course of bonds and persist over time

Thus I do maintain in life everything is rated

Comes with short span, stamped, expiry dated

***   ***   ***

Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusion.- Kim Cattrall

Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational. – Hugh Mackay  Author , Athlete

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies  -    woody Allen

To Mom with love

 your form left

maybe, spirit

lingers in

heart’s

dwelling,

firmly ensconced

I see you in

dress up time

In owned special

déjà vu moments

of us

you, me

 Dad’s brother said

I looked like him

others, like you

I am of you, my

own guardian

angels

always

steering my

life’s paper boat

out of harm’s way

away from

the brink

flavor of soap

in my mouth

still gags, you

made me rinse out

four letter words

innocently spoken

wet rebuking eyes

still haunt when am

less than thoughtful

and find self wanting in

myriad ways n then take

small steps in your ways

you were special to me

I was very special to you

My guilty pangs you

Dismissed summarily as

growing pains, exhorted

never ever feel guilty

you were special

you made me feel special

I remember you in waking

sleeping moments, in all my roles

as daughter, mother, aunt

grandmother, friend

exuberance fizzles
Like failed pudding
settled before peaking

measured emotions
cooled cresting passion
euphoria slunk out

joy turned sheepish, tail between
legs, conduct unbecoming is display
of untrammeled excitement for you

for me living life to the hilt with
dancing eyes, joy threatening spills
Is only way to go, share and live

picture is from internet

that seven foot
 ebony mendicant
sun burnt weathered
left ear pierced
 bearing huge brass ring
equally thick anklets
monk living on alms  proffered only
 not to be asked
mother’s open door  his gracious assent
frugal intake sumptuous blessings
predicted for me longevity
 

trio of monks
mouths covered
left me open mouthed
had me wondering how
they got about-managed
 they functioned beautifully  ate sparingly
spoke ever so briefly
baring mouths only
in extreme necessity
unassuming  unobtrusive
peaceful  blissful
 

that shaman
healer caretaker
young in years
long in ancient wisdom
divine in body spirit
healing with touch
bearing transferring pain
on self   writhing in pain for hours
mom’s fussy care ministering healer
god’s emissary extraordinaire
 

railway tracks   headless body
grinning dripping red head
scaring everybody
cowering childish faces
fanciful  eyes saucers
bootleg books whodunits
uncle wandering eyes fingers
 smacked chastened  by aunty
withering looks withered ardor
duration short incorrigible
 

grown ups gambling
betting on cards
old granny boldest of them all-
bet house keys  to the horror of all
her head bitten off  by sons and old man
to the delight of  fistful of
long suffering  daughters-in law
as grownups laid law
biting her head off
 

that awful cobra
brownish in color
hood fanned
eyeballing
on way to school
my highest Olympian  jump in air
hyper ventilating scared stiff
soon to be stiff  pushed
by sensible hands
out of harm’s way
 

dear not so dear faces
times events places
fast food soul food
folklore festivals galore
trips travel jaunts of yore
uncomplicated times
simple folks
giving sincere
loving unique

Love is that cutting edge
cliff ledge- euphoria’s soar
One misstep- pain galore
 

Love is simply sublime
Like a dance on cloud nine
Till sand runs out of glass time
 

Love can suffocate
Extreme proximity constraints
Give air or get spaced
 

Parental love blossoms
in seeding branching beaming
doubling care’s scares thereof

love’s multiplicities expended
keeping to self makes tiny packet
better to love lose than hold back
 

love can take to heights lows
drive to extreme sacrifice
or drive to drink, kills- gallows
 

Love is an intricate webbing of skin & wound

.

Family Album – 13 words 

home 

basic 

Family

classic 

Fare

ordinary 

Love

Extraordinary 

bonhomie 

Sacrifice

Poured 

kettle

familial

(painting by Vincent Van Gogh)

Falling Headlong

Peering at my horribly expensive
Embroidered pashmina shawl
all the while caressing its soft
skin, I searched with x-ray eyes
for any offensive moth bites

A single gaping mouth
Jeered at my shocked eyes as
In horror I looked at its maw
From all angles and wept
and then I smiled

through the hole I entered
childhood’s hideout, grandpa’s
closet bursting with fine silk shirts
and one with front button holes held
together by a string of gold buttons

in sheer nostalgia I rubbed
my face in its loving folds
even as whiffs of hookah fumes
entered my tender nostrils and
his walrus moustache tickled

fascinated we’d watch his
luxurious pride bristle in anger
even as he lovingly combed it
with tiniest of gold combs after
drying milk droplets from each hair

deep rumbling voice dripping with
love and strength beckoned as we sat
in his lap happily licking away at endless
cups of vanilla ice cream to beat summer’s
sizzling heat, munching other delicacies

whoops of exuberance and pitter
patter of tiny feet shook the ancient
staircase touching the skies with its
triple roof terraces filled with pickling jars
getting weathered simmering in sun’s heat

we would quickly untie the cloth covering
the gaping mouths of the jars and extract
spoonfuls of raw mango slices, chutneys
slurp it with gusto, laughter renting the air
as we retied jar mouths hastily, guilt ridden

masticating the semi soft inner core of
quartered green tender mangoes, enjoying its
tangy tartness, saliva filled our mouths like an
unexpected torrent triggered by this headlong
fall through the moth hole of pashmina shawl

sheepishly coming to, reluctantly climbed out of it
emerging to present, not worried about the damage
any more as the moth hole was now a portal to my
wondrous childhood, a time travel widget, not a loss
and even as life takes, it gives back in full measure

 (pictures from internet)