Poems Archive for Emotions:

catharsis

these days
mind processes
hand dealt
by life solely
calling spade
spade
..
you unleashed
your frustration
at unfair hand
dealt by life
on my innocent
head that was
..
so ill-equipped
being constantly
lost in clouds
folded cozily
inside juicy
books
..
my brown cheeks
still redden
in these ripe years
in retrospect ..feeling
more outraged than smarting
at sting of contact
..
I try so hard
to forgive being
a work in progress
but how do I tackle
forty-five years of insomnia
your ultimate Damocles gift
..
you’d vowed to carry
me away from home
leaving me far far away
from where I could never
return and gullible me never
shut eyes for 45 years
..
I take scales
out of my quiver
honestly weighing
all the good and harm
meted and come away
disquieted ..failing to forgive
..
you’ve been gone
many years
I do miss you
as most relationships
are complicated: an admix
of bitter Neem sweet mango
,,
I console myself saying maybe your
harshness had stiffened my spine
a contrary bookworm wild child
making me a strong person
that I now am.. but why does
it still bewilder and hurt ?
I want to square
away all my accounts
owing nothing to anyone
yet feelings and emotions
are hard to oust when they
indelibly scar heart
..
I haven’t given up yet !
..

as is…

words elude as mind stays on overdrive
yesterday caregiver queried in my mother tongue
about the health of close kin… I replied: nowadays
they mainly reside under my skin
..
daily i scratch scabs
of grieving heart’s skin
and they pop up for heart to hearts
like so many jacks-in-boxes
well past over the hill
i constantly work overtime
to time still .. in mind, body, will
willfully….excercises in futility
….
the cross I carry was
put together by me
myself i did it all being
friend, foe to self
not into recriminations
i do turns in imperceptible
degrees, results thereof
being equally negligible
..
beguiling self came as inherent software
and my virus afflicted soul thrashing in rusty
body – still continues warbling in fits starts
patiently waiting for dying of light
..
I’ve no desire
to build
any Rome
not ever
I simply
stay resigned
waiting for my beloved
to come get me

and then he left…

after sticking for years
like super glue
one day he upped
and left
his body lay supine
mind wandered elsewhere
I ran to check his toiletries
in the bathroom
all were there
even the toothbrush
was moist
only he’d left
without leaving…
non-plussed
I kept plucking
petals singly
mouthing “he loves
me, he loves
me not”
till time us both
forgot
..

Face Off ? on?

how do I face
self in mirrored
appearances ?
90% dead ringer
of dear departed
dad, siblings
sighs escape
from parted lips
involuntarily
I share
what makes
me tick
schtick, tickles
of mind, spirit
heart’s cockles
cackling
on daily basis
I awl scalpel ego
crimson persona
obdurate rotund form
continue face-offs
wooing
beloved is ongoing
par for the course
..
never off course
am DNA’ed
thus

numbskull

times
have turned
my heart
into a numbskull
with gaping holes
for chambers
oozing grief
and despair
in slipshod
patterns
..
My head
the escape artist
strolls in green
pastures hanging
loose away from customary
thinker pose as it simply
hurts too much
as palms involuntarily
nudge each other
in mute queries
..
grabbing
my magic wand
in left hand
microscope
in right
I seek
hope’s needle
in apathy’s
mounting
haystacks
..
something
glimmers
through the straws
coming in view
hastily I take a look
to recoil in horror
as myriads
of vacant
eyeballs impale
mine back

Art: Chitra Ganesh

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