as is…

words elude as mind stays on overdrive
yesterday caregiver queried in my mother tongue
about the health of close kin… I replied: nowadays
they mainly reside under my skin
..
daily i scratch scabs
of grieving heart’s skin
and they pop up for heart to hearts
like so many jacks-in-boxes
well past over the hill
i constantly work overtime
to time still .. in mind, body, will
willfully….excercises in futility
….
the cross I carry was
put together by me
myself i did it all being
friend, foe to self
not into recriminations
i do turns in imperceptible
degrees, results thereof
being equally negligible
..
beguiling self came as inherent software
and my virus afflicted soul thrashing in rusty
body – still continues warbling in fits starts
patiently waiting for dying of light
..
I’ve no desire
to build
any Rome
not ever
I simply
stay resigned
waiting for my beloved
to come get me

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